There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
