Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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