we have officially lost it.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
