i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
3 2 1 whiskey
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
