Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
