you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
