Define "chronic" masturbator.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We had to coat check the pizza.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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