Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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