Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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