dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
