Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
