just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
