Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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