never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
