All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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