I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
