and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
