Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
