i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
