I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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