summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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