if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
try to milk me bitch
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