thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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