we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
