I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
