Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
