i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
