Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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