And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
