I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
