I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Come on in and take your pants off
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