Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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