upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
