No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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