Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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