moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
