I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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