I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she peed on how many people?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
