You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
