i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
