did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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