So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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