I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
