Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
