I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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