Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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