his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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