How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
