You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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