dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
