he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
