if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
