I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
