I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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