For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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