She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
