My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
