So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
