Don't you send me to vm
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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