Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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