your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
