You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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