nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
