What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize