she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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