Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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