There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
