Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
