Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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