sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's even glitter on my cock...
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