Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
