Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
