During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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