I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
