see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
